82

Confessions of a 90 day committer:


I have not been doing well at all. I started off doing well the first few days, but I have been a wreck. Like Michele said, I texted her saying that we would not wake up with any surprise motivation, but we would have to start anew anyway.


Well, I have been experiencing an extraordinary amount of stress, though I do not believe it to be an excuse for being unhealthy. The last two weeks I have been dealing with a rough break up which followed an intensely unstable relationship; this has obviously affected my mood on a number of a levels. In addition, I am living in an indefinite state of transition. I am supposed to be graduating in a few months with my Master's degree, which sounds great in theory, but the road ahead does not excite me. I am struggling with writing my thesis, I am lost in analyzing my data, and I am trying to keep up with a lab course I am teaching and the piling responsibilities at my second job. But the thing that makes me the most anxious is the thought of leaving Albany in a few months, the place I have made a home and where I feel like a real part of the community. I've been job hunting and cover letter-writing and networking, etc. etc. I've been struggling with my decision to stay or leave or stay or leave - what is logical, what is comforting, etc. etc. I feel like my brain is about to explode.


Needless to say, what food I put into my mouth and how often I exercise has not exactly been on my mind at all. This week I have a few things I desperately need to do: make progress on my Master's thesis, apply for 3 jobs that I feel are excellent opportunities I don't want to pass up, and cook a few healthy meals. Cooking is something that has been escaping me recently and I really want to get back into it. I found that this was the real key to losing weight in the past - cooking on a consistent basis.


I am writing myself an itinerary for the next few days that I hope to stick to, and this is my only real goal for this week. After all, losing weight is important, but my emotional health, which has been deeply effected by falling behind and losing control of my schedule, is equally important. Nobody is going to understand my itinerary but me, but writing it should help me a lot. If I am able to finish everything on my to-do list this week, by next week maybe I will feel better about my situation? That's the goal anyway.






Tomorrow, Monday:
- Write Master's section describing all variables I am using.
- Write cover letters and send with resumes to 2 positions in NYC.
- For dinner: Baked chicken with lemon and garlic sauce, baked potato, spinach.


Tuesday:
- Work at CR2 9-12
- Figure out had to create and code variables for Master's.
- Begin descriptive statistics.
- For dinner: Possibly leftover chicken in a big salad? Possibly my spinach/goat cheese "pita pizza" creation.


Wednesday: 
- Grade lab essays!
- Continue working on descriptive statistics.
- For dinner: Chicken marinated in onion/balsamic, roasted pepper/onion/potato.


Thursday
- FINISH descriptive statistics and data/methods section and edit for meeting with advisor.
- Meet with advisor to discuss next step in data analysis (or problems with what I figured out).
- I can't think this far ahead for dinner.


Friday
- Work at CR2 and simultaneously learn about content analysis to create a lesson plan and activity for next week's lab sessions.